Yeah, it’s wednesday. Fuck you, I’ve been sick. All of your teams are bad and make writing about them a chore.
Richard Shmurda(3-0): 128.24, SKITTLES(1-2): 85.12
So I get it bailey, you kick my ass in the first week then decide you want to fight Maurer for the worst team in the league (spoiler: brett is the only hope in that category). Benching Desean Jackson was soft and I’d make it the worst managerial decision of the week but it really wouldn’t have stopped this massacre from occurring so yeah. I like the dynamic of this matchup and the pending trade. Speaking of trades, what the fuck yahoo? How is your system for trades still so archaic and awful? Thursday night football is a thing yahoo. Between Lynch and Jeffery one of them is going to go down for the season in the next two weeks, book it.
Garthok(1-2): 115.40, Go For Gould(1-2): 69.42
This was kind of sad to watch unfold. It was over as it began thursday night but I still had hopes for brett’s odd managerial patterns in a weird way. Instead I got Drago killing Apollo (I figured Sylvester Stallone analogies are the strongest way to get through to you two so expect more in the future). Brett Keenan Allen is really bad and I’m surprised you haven’t traded him away for jack shit yet. But the biggest ? I have around this matchup was Alfred Blue. You realize he played this week, right?
Drew-Tang Clan(1-2): 106.22, big daddy(1-2): 89.42
How does it feel to give me my first W? Your team is bad and so is mine. Brandon Marshall is pretty soft, I was scared for a minute there but then I remembered our matchup will have little to no consequence on the league because of how awful we are in the grand scheme of things.
Mr. Rodgers(3-0): 107.58, Michael’s Team(2-1): 84.54
Ryanasaurus Rex(2-1): 106.50, Prince Amukamaurer(0-3): 82.84
Oh jesus Maurer, I was pulling for you I really was. Whenever I look at your team is doesn’t seem that bad but then each week you manage to score 80 points. Andrew Luck will carry Ryan to the playoffs and he’ll lose in the first round. Final thoughts: Ryan learn to use the god damn courier and almost as importantly I have an unedited picture of Maurer trying to power through this season with his dignity:
MUSIC BREAK
Week Three Awards
- The James Dolan: Go For Gould, I’m giving it to you for the Alfred Blue fiasco. You drop a defense you drafted in the 7th round for him and then he finally gets a shot against one of the worst teams in the NFL and you’re heads not even in the game enough to play him. I’m retiring you from winning this award because I want to open it up to other people to win.
- The Blank Shooter: Prince Amukamaurer, Carolina D-ST: 0.00
- Jennifer Lawrence’s Tits: Prince Amukamaurer: 24.44
- Backpacker’s Anonymous Inductee: Ryanasaurus Rex, Andrew Luck: 32.30
- The Restless Night: Mr Rodgers, Nick Foles: 26.20
Well that’s it. What’s in store for week four? Can your teams get any worse? Can my WR core get any more depressing? Will I stop writing these recaps once hockey season starts? How overrated is football? Will Brett ever accept a trade? Does he know how to? Will we ever win a DOTA match? Will yahoo’s stupid trade policy ever update to accommodate thursday night games? Will bailey finish paving my neighborhood? Will vigs change his god damn mother fucking name from the auto one it gives you? Sorry fantasy football is such an inconvenience for you and, understandably, the mental anguish of picking a name must be far too severe. All this and no more in next weeks’ installment of fuck a headcold and montee ball.